buying bewilderment

some thoughts and some words.

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I’m listening to Enya’s Watermark and trying to think myself out of a mental trap I often get into. I especially get stuck believing that things won’t change. Recent events–my father being dropped in my lap (sort of) and then getting sick–have made everything else harder to bear. Or my emotions harder to avoid. AlmostContinue reading “Despair”

Music Part 3

P seemed to define my entire college experience. I became so pathologically obsessed I could not think of one thing without referring to him, it seemed, although when I think about it I thought about a lot of things without thinking of him. Thank God. I don’t know what happened, if anything. He was dark,Continue reading “Music Part 3”


Today, I found out through my cousin that my dad is being put in an institution by the VA. Apparently he has dementia. We have been estranged for several years. When I got that news, I cried for the first time I can remember about anything having to do with my dad. Dad, you leftContinue reading “Dad”