Music Part 3

P seemed to define my entire college experience. I became so pathologically obsessed I could not think of one thing without referring to him, it seemed, although when I think about it I thought about a lot of things without thinking of him. Thank God. I don’t know what happened, if anything. He was dark,Continue reading “Music Part 3”

What I Wish Hadn’t Happened

Later, in a private dining room at a bar called Del Charro with our classmates, he walked along the row of seats, putting his hands on people’s shoulders and whispering in people’s ears. He’s just doing that so he can whisper in mine. Again, it made me feel better to think this. I was theContinue reading “What I Wish Hadn’t Happened”

For a Moment

A million years ago, I was in an airplane with my seventh and eighth grade classmates, flying back to California from Italy. We were unbelievably lucky private school children who had just spent a week in one of the oldest cities of Western Civilization doing what eighth graders do–having fun but missing the full gravityContinue reading “For a Moment”

Things, 1/23/21

Have you ever tried saying something like “May it be blessed” when you do something or have anxiety around something that happens? The tags on my car are out of date because this year has been a nightmare and today I was driving and cop car drove by and I was overcome with anxiety. IContinue reading “Things, 1/23/21”

The Truths of the Heart

β€œIt isn’t possible to love and part. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know by experience that the poets are right: love is eternal.”― E.M. Forster, A Room with a View Yesterday, I got an astrology reading from anContinue reading “The Truths of the Heart”

Softness in a Culture of Punishment

My favorite voice in Buddhism is a lesser known Zen “guide” named Cheri Huber. I discovered her ten years ago while staying at a monastery in Central California, between my sophomore and junior years of college. The monastery doubled as a resort in the summer and while I was there I was assigned to theContinue reading “Softness in a Culture of Punishment”

Reason for Being

Because my existential hubris is so enormous, I am going to tell you why I think we are here: we are here to identify with the suffering. Buddha will tell you that “life is suffering,” or “there is suffering” (they sound different to me, but both imply a very human denial of the existence ofContinue reading “Reason for Being”