Things, 1/23/21

1. Have you ever tried saying something like “May it be blessed” when you do something or have anxiety around something that happens? The tags on my car are out of date because this year has been a nightmare and today I was driving and cop car drove by and I was overcome with anxiety. I was baptized Catholic and my mother’s Spanish Catholicism came through in my upbringing, so lately I have taken to crossing things (it really began when I started driving, because before that I had never spent so much time going lethal speeds in a box of metal) so today I crossed the steering wheel with my finger and said, “May it be blessed.” Pulled over or no, may it be blessed.
2. There are phrases, like “I love you” and “Thank you,” that raise your vibration if you repeat them. I only found this out by getting “Thank U” by Alanis stuck in my head for a couple of days senior year of college, and singing along to “I Love You (Always, Forever)” by Donna Lewis when it came up on the radio the last few weeks. At first, I was just singing along, and then the latter song took me back to being five and listening to soft rock stations, and being utterly tickled by that song, particularly by the sound of Donna’s voice and the prevalence of the phrase “I love you” in it. Then I felt like someone in me really got a kick out of hearing “I love you (always, forever)” from me, over and over again. By “raise your vibration,” I mean something nonjudgmental and negative-vibes inclusive, because I believe our inner child is the gateway to our most holy and high Self and everyone knows children throw tantrums and express negativity. I think judging negativity is as negative, or more, as negativity on its own. By raising vibration I mean, make you feel unexpectedly, and unusually, better. It’s like you’re literally lifted above but also among your problems, so you’re suddenly like a gentle giant playing with the microcosm of YOU, gentleness your first instinct. It’s like you, the negative, small and scared, and You, the enormous, silly and benevolent, exist all at once, one holding the other, and the high vibration makes you aware of it.
3. Have you ever had God moments? They didn’t really happen to me until I was a teenager and grew irrevocably miserable. Throughout my childhood, my mother believed in signs and the mysterious, and these things had a buoyant effect on my outlook on the world. The universe seemed possessed of an impossibly light effervescence. So maybe I had God moments a lot as a kid, as kids, I think, tend to, and then as I got older there were fewer. Sometimes you’ll see something at the right time, or someone will say something mysterious, or something extraordinary will happen in your perception and you’ll know you’re not alone. I think it’s important not to squash one’s whimsical, magical thoughts because they are a sign that the mysterious and supernatural exist, if only within us. It’s important to write those moments down.
4. I am trying to write a book. It is enormously difficult. I have, however, come upon a person in me who feels like she’s in trouble and that’s why she can’t concentrate, so now I can get to work letting her know she’s not in trouble. Not anymore, anyway.
5. I moved recently to a far off area in town, not as far as Cerrillos, where I was living in August, but farther than I’m used to. The mountains are extremely visible here, more than they were when I was closer to town. I am very grateful.

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